11 Steps.

1. Self observation and analysis:

How can your clients, friends and family understand your motives and ideals if you don’t understand them? Is the real you different than the identity that shows up in the world? Are you really “passionate” about your work, your life? These are just some of the hard hitting, self examined questions that expose our true selves beyond the fears and identities we hold sacred. Only asking ourselves new questions can we explore new possibilities in our lives. Being our own observer from a third person perspective, allows us to step outside of our emotionally reactive selves and gain an unbiased vantage point to uncover the hidden motives of our un- serving behaviors and ask the tough questions.

2. Understanding the ego.

The only one true obstacle to our self awareness, consciousness and freedom is the many devices and masks of the ego. Not necessarily the Freudian ego, but the inner opponent that is responsible for our every unconscious word thought or action. The ego convinces us to adopt false ideas, unsubstantiated fears and to operate in conflict with others. We operate in a system of hierarchies, and in this system (in most cases), we become polarized to see others as either less than or greater than ourselves. The constant emotional roller coaster of this philosophy creates active hindrances to our growth and furthers our disconnection with others. For instance, we might be challenged to think that networking with a competitor might be mutually beneficial or we might “rule out” an opportunity because of low self esteem.

3. Diversity: Embracing others

One great aspect practicing self awareness is that once the ego has been revealed it is automatically weakened. In its weakened state, one can start to embrace the uniqueness and diversity of all others. The diversity of the once “Other Person’ could not be seen as threatening anymore, but admired and respected. As we take responsibility for our fears that created the aforesaid “Us vs. Them” program, we can freely create relationships, business and new communications without judgmental boundaries, borders or unrealistic criteria. By withdrawing our investment in the ego’s social programming, we can elevate our business practices with new creative methodologies and new contributors.

4. Parenting you “inner child”

Weather you are a CEO of a Fortune 500 company, a world renowned athlete or a Nobel Prize winner, inside every human resides a “little boy or little girl” version of their adult selves. This “inner child” carries all the unresolved issues of low self esteem, fairness, abandonment and inability to let go of the past to create something better for them. When triggered, this child emerges and exhibits uncomplimentary behaviors that are a by-product from hurt emotions. The inner child, like most children, does not understand “place and time” appropriateness, makes poor decisions and can emerge at the most inopportune times. One of the tools for the practice of self awareness is to learn how to develop a line of communication with this “inner child”. By self observation, one’s “adult self” can learn to effectively become a powerful liaison, comforter and most importantly a parent for their “child self”.

5. Understanding the drive of conflict.

The source of all conflict is the concept that we operate in a world of lack and need to fight to pool limited resources (clients, money) to pay for our survival. To survive in this space and remain competitive we must protect our identities as the “The smartest”, “Most competent” or “I am a warrior” etc. When a co-worker, client or another figure challenges this identity, the ego will create an internal conflict which usually resonates into hostel external one. This “us vs. them” mentality can cause emotional disconnection from the world and can be responsible for having to live out our own painful, un-joyous self fulfilling prophecies of lack and separation.

6. Fear- the opposite of being present.

Fear is the belief that an unpleasant event from the past can or will reproduce itself in the future. This event can be something that was experienced personally or exposed to from third person observation or another medium. All fear exists outside of the present moment. It creates a false story about a timeline that isn’t real or happening and is a projection of loss, limitation and lack. By staying present and aware within each moment does annihilate fear and is a major component of emotional mastery and self awareness.

7. Releasing Attachment to Outcomes

One of the most liberating components to the practice of self awareness is the releasing oneself from the expectation and anticipation to outcomes. Expectation and anticipation are products of the future in the linear time line and though it can be influenced by our intentions, it cannot be controlled. How many events and projects have come to fruition exactly as planned? How much emotional energy was carelessly spent on attachment to its outcome? How can anyone create something better than they already know? Getting out of our own way creates a space for something bigger to unfurl. It is through the release of attachment and control that yields a natural more beautiful outcome. It is in this discipline, which I call the “art of allowing”, which liberates us to join with the collective conscious and create more powerful and exciting experiences beyond our own experience limited “inner world”.

8. Identifying Self Limiting beliefs / Insecurities

Another device of the ego is the internal dialogue it uses to perpetuate our fears, false beliefs and feelings of inadequacy. It is that little voice that whispers “You’re not good enough”, “You don’t deserve that kind of success.” or “They will think I am imperfect.” This voice of false self-limiting ideations that can only be undone by identifying the neuro-program’s origin, challenging its credibility then redefining it to serve one’s desires and full potential

9. Forgiveness of Self and others:

Another powerful technique for self awareness is forgiveness. What are we judging about ourselves? What act or past deed are we still hanging ourselves for and refusing to forgive? These are some of the questions we need to ask. The old saying “hurt people, hurt people”, exemplifies that people in their own perceived survival will do whatever they need to do to survive. Similar to the idea of a drowning man getting rescued will, in his fear, inadvertently drown his rescuers.

The act of holding grudges is an act of war against oneself. Anger and sorrow towards another or oneself is carried internally as emotional pain and can only be released through forgiveness. This emotional pain, if prolonged, is scientifically proven to manifest as physical illness. The target of one’s anger or pain (the enemy) is not at the affect of this covert attack and is free from assault. It is only when one forgives themselves for partnering with the ego to create an enemy does the healing begin. Forgiveness of ourselves and others in “survival” depersonalizes the “crime” and frees the self aware practitioner and peace seeker from shame, anger and emotional illness.

10. Acknowledging our False realities.

Part of being self aware is understanding that everyone shares a different neuro-program based upon their unique life experiences and beliefs. The ego’s need for self validation causes us to impose our thought systems and ideals upon others. Simply stated we look for validation by finding or creating others to be just like us and we rid ourselves of those who refuse to comply. This can cause us to live in a world of false beliefs about others and greatly limit our business and social lives.

11. Meditation: Freedom from stress, connection to infinite self

We live in a world of five sense reality where everything physical can be observed from all of these senses. Our consciousness lives in this state of materiality even when we sleep. One of the best practices for stress management is to bring your awareness to a place of non materiality. Meditation is that very place. Meditation has been proved to have many beneficial physiological effects. Meditation lowers blood pressure, lowers oxygen consumption, decreases respiratory rate, increases blood flow and slows the heart rate. It increases exercise tolerance in heart patients, leads to a deeper level of relaxation, reduces anxiety attacks by lowering the levels of blood lactate and decreases muscle tension (any pain due to tension) and headaches. Meditation is a practice of silence of the mind. In this space of “nothingness” a quiet mind can open up to new solutions to age old personal issues, help redefine old ideas and reshape how one perceives oneself and the world. Without restricting beliefs, all possibilities are open and new information flows in. Many of the world’s most famous contributors have attributed their breakthrough ideas and inventions to visions they encountered during meditation.

Summary: The practice of the methodologies of self awareness is a difficult practice. It requires the self aware seeker to look at themselves and their external world in a manner that challenges their sacred beliefs. It is only through shifting ones focus from a self centered “I” perspective to a third person “eye” perspective that one can see a reality unveiled from the protective masks of the ego. This experience transforms and releases old ideas, opinions and believes into new more expansive, infinite perspectives that empower the seeker to outperform in every facet of their lives. It frees the seeker from fear and limitations and creates a more joyous, stress free, peaceful existence in and out of the workplace.

About Marshall Zale:

After a powerful vision during a four hour meditation in 2007, Marshall saw how he was living his life in fear, stress, insecurity, co dependency and self-limiting beliefs. From that moment on, with the help of some great teachers, he learned and developed a practice that gave him the tools to overcome these issues and become a bigger, more empowered, “life player.” After seeing the effectiveness of this practice, he shifted his focus from being a successful leader in the health care field, to coaching individuals and consulting companies internationally.

His dynamic presentations inspire people to examine their internal selves and behaviors and challenge them to evolve past their self limiting beliefs. By drawing from his past experience as a sales trainer, regional sales manager, community workshop facilitator and talk radio host, he gives his audiences insight and skills that empower them to develop to their full potential.

Contact me at:   marshall@yourfalsereality.com

As your day evolves, consider the beliefs you carry with you. These “ideas” are based on old experiences that YOU have attached a meaning to. These beliefs are really your children. And just like children they take energy to support and nurture. If these beliefs and thoughts are not serving you and are causing you contraction or any type of discomfort, challenge them and ask yourself,

“Could I be wrong about my view of this?” and “What is the payoff to carry these thoughts/beliefs/judgments around?”.

It is most probable that you are wrong about it, as no one could ever truly attack you for any personal reasons. And any thoughts or separation or judgment can only lead to disconnection. (Remember: In people’s emotional survival, “hurt people..hurt people”). So it could never really be about you. Challenge yourself to redefine the neuroprogram YOU, chose to accept at one point or another. I trust, as it has been my experience, that you will find enormous peace on the other side of your beliefs and views of separation . Good luck with this exercise.

What painful beliefs are you attached to?

Are willing to redefine them?

What is the payoff to holding on to these non-serving beliefs?

For example, one client was distraught that his girlfriend would not return his call or text until several hours had elapsed. He felt “unimportant” and “disrespected”. He feared that she was secretly seeing another employee at work and was frightened of losing her. I had asked him, “From the menu of choices, why did he choose to pick the most painful and threatening scenario?”.  Needless to say, he had no clear evidence to support his fear. Then why would gravitate to the worst possible outcome?

The girlfriend, in fact,  was working on a big project which required her to be in the physical presence of upper management most of her day and she  was unable to communicate with the freedom that she had before. After this discovery he felt relieved yet ashamed for his mis-creation of thought. We later discovered that his need to stay in constant communication with not only his girlfriend, but most of his inner circle friends was to “feel safe” and “free” from confronting his painful history of abandonment. It turns out that his mother was an alcoholic and would leave him in the care of a neighbor or relatives for weeks at a time as she traveled with the numerous boyfriends she meet during his childhood. This left him feeling isolated and unloved.

In order to be in a relationship with him, his  girlfriend and friends had to meet the following conditions : “Be there when I need you and  Don’t leave me. “If they met his need to feel safe, wanted and free from the feelings of exclusion, then he could remain secure in a relationship with them. Historically any friend or lover who failed to provide this “safety net” would find themselves in a quick divorce from the relationship . Consequently,  he often found himself alone and constantly searching for the next slave to his insecurities. This pattern of self destructive behavior continued until he was finally willing to look at an alternative way of viewing his life and his need to participate in co dependent relationships.

Through the practice of self love and  parenting his “inner child”. he learned to recognize that he was safe and secure within his own life and could never be left by anyone but himself. His relationship with his girlfriend , now fiance, is now unconditional, more loving. more honest, less manipulative, and much more joyous.

He is getting married next April.

Summary: This case study shows  that until one is willing to look internally and fulfill their  “needs” independently of “another” , codependency will emerge as the driving motivation for any relationship. Until one is willing to dig deep and redefine their fears as lessons and learn to care for themselves emotionally, one will search endlessly for a “business partner” to  placate and ultimately perpetuate those very fears. These fears, uncontrolled, will lead to that which is most feared: Being left alone!

In the next blog we will discuss the people who also seek out and establish relationships with our aforementioned case study types and what their payoff is in participating in such relationships.

Need help with this issue? Contact me.

Are You Just Stuck?

Are you stuck in life patterns that are causing you emotional distress?

Are your relationships with others unrewarding?

Do you find yourself quarreling over the “little things” with your partner?

Do you often find yourself daydreaming about a life you wish you had as opposed to focusing on the life you are living now?

Are you sleeping too much or not enough?

Do you live in a state of regret over your past choices?

Are you arguing with friends, roommates or family more than usual?

Are you obsessed with an ex ?

Do you often get stress headaches?

Are you overly concerned with the opinion of others?

Do you often find yourself in a state of anger or fear?

Are your fears of the future controlling your attitude and limiting your ability to fully enjoy life?

Do you often say “Yes” to others when you secretly mean “No”?

Believe it or not, most people can certainly admit to at least one of these questions. There are those who live in such a state of constant emotional pain that they think it is their natural state of being. Though life can be full of obstacles and uncertainty, emotional pain and stress is not something that has to control your life. Consider hiring a life coach to guide you.

A Life Coach can:

help you over come the self-limiting beliefs that are holding you back from greatness.

guide you to clearer communications with others.

support you to freely let go of expectations and anticipations.

help you deprogram your mind from ideas that are not serving you.

help you discover your “inner power”.

teach you how to see your life from an alternative perspectives.

provide techniques on learning forgiveness and empathy for yourself and others.

support your quest for self love.

and much more!

Are you are ready to recreate and evolve into a greater “YOU”?

contact me to schedule a free goal planning session.

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The change you want in the world starts with you. Overcome your fears and self-limiting beliefs by retraining and reprogramming your mind. It all starts with looking inside. Find a life coach who can lead you to more fulfilling possibilities in the most important relationship you will ever have, the one with yourself.

Need help?  Contact me